Daily Quote 357

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- Fred Allen

Daily Quote 356

Television is for appearing on - not for looking at.
- Noel Coward

Daily Quote 355

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
- Thomas Szasz

Daily Quote 354

I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.
- Garry Trudeau

Daily Quote 353

In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Daily Quote 352

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
- John Barrymore

Daily Quote 351

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
- Fran Lebowitz

Daily Quote 350

The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking.
- Louis Vermeil

Daily Quote 349

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
- Dan Rather

Daily Quote 348

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
- Frank Zappa

Daily Quote 347

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
- Shelley Winters

Daily Quote 346

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
- Doug Larson

Daily Quote 345

Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage.
- Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

Daily Quote 344

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
- Robert X. Cringely

Daily Quote 343

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
- Ernest Benn

Daily Quote 342

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Johnny Carson

Daily Quote 341

Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
- Lee Simonson

Daily Quote 340

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
- Robertson Davies

Daily Quote 339

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
- Jane Wagner

Daily Quote 338

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
- Casey Stengel

Daily Quote 337

No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.
- Thomas Mann

Daily Quote 336

I have read your book and much like it.
- Moses Hadas

Daily Quote 335

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

Daily Quote 334

It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
- Henry Allen

Daily Quote 333

You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
- Mitch Hedberg

Daily Quote 332

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
- Douglas Adams

Daily Quote 331

We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.
- Bill Vaughan

Daily Quote 330

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
- Evan Esar

Daily Quote 329

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Daily Quote 328

Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
- Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Daily Quote 327

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Tom Stoppard

Daily Quote 326

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

Daily Quote 325

We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming.
- Don Delillo

Daily Quote 324

Pay no attention to what the critics say... Remember, a statue has never been set up in honor of a critic!
- Jean Sibelius

Daily Quote 323

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
- Henry J. Tillman

Daily Quote 322

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
- Groucho Marx

Daily Quote 321

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
- Don Marquis

Daily Quote 320

Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.
- Marlo Thomas

Daily Quote 319

I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
- Ellen DeGeneres

Daily Quote 318

I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry.
- Randall Jarrell

Daily Quote 317

What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Daily Quote 316

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
- Quentin Crisp

Daily Quote 315

What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?
- Evelyn Waugh

Daily Quote 314

To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level.
- Bertrand Russell

Daily Quote 313

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 312

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
- Ellen Goodman

Daily Quote 311

I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
- Jane Austen

Daily Quote 310

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

Daily Quote 309

An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
- Evelle J. Younger

Daily Quote 308

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
- George Carlin

Daily Quote 307

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.
- Maurice Maeterlinck

Daily Quote 306

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
- Wendell Johnson

Daily Quote 305

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
- Jackie Mason

Daily Quote 304

I'm glad I didn't have to fight in any war. I'm glad I didn't have to pick up a gun. I'm glad I didn't get killed or kill somebody. I hope my kids enjoy the same lack of manhood.
- Tom Hanks

Daily Quote 303

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
- Evan Esar

Daily Quote 302

The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.
- Art Spander

Daily Quote 301

Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Daily Quote 300

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have.
- Ernest Haskins

Daily Quote 299

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 298

You're never too old to become younger.
- Mae West

Daily Quote 297

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
- Rita Rudner

Daily Quote 296

No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
- Judge Gideon J. Tucker

Daily Quote 295

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
- Peter Ustinov

Daily Quote 294

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
- Woody Allen

Daily Quote 293

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
- Katharine Whitehorn

Daily Quote 292

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
- Tom Lehrer

Daily Quote 291

If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.
- G. K. Chesterton

Daily Quote 290

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.
- David Frost

Daily Quote 289

Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
- Sir Winston Churchill

Daily Quote 288

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.
- Alan Corenk

Daily Quote 287

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
- George Carlin

Daily Quote 286

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields

Daily Quote 285

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
- Thomas Szasz

Daily Quote 284

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
- Bertrand Russell

Daily Quote 283

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
- Olin Miller

Daily Quote 282

The average person thinks he isn't.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni

Daily Quote 281

Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts.
- R. Stevens

Daily Quote 280

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
- Jay Leno

Daily Quote 279

I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
- Orson Welles

Daily Quote 278

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
- Totie Fields

Daily Quote 276

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.
- Russell Green

Daily Quote 275

A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
- Caskie Stinnett

Daily Quote 274

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Daily Quote 273

Men who never get carried away should be.
- Malcolm Forbes

Daily Quote 272

Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
- Samuel Johnson

Daily Quote 271

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Daily Quote 270

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
- George Bernard Shaw

Daily Quote 269

Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.
- Laurence J. Peter

Daily Quote 268

A book of quotations . . . can never be complete.
- Robert M. Hamilton

Daily Quote 267

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
- Fran Lebowitz

Daily Quote 266

I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
- George Burns

Daily Quote 265

My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing.
- Jessica Alba

Daily Quote 264

The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.
- Margo Kaufman

Daily Quote 263

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
- Evan Esar

Daily Quote 262

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.
- Hermann Hesse

Daily Quote 261

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
- Robert Orben

Daily Quote 260

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.
- Vic Gold

Daily Quote 259

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Daily Quote 258

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
- Terry Pratchett

Daily Quote 257

There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.
- Alice Thomas Ellis

Daily Quote 256

Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.
- Katharine Hepburn

Daily Quote 255

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 254

When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
- William Hazlitt

Daily Quote 253

To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood.
- George Santayana

Daily Quote 252

Communism is like one big phone company.
- Lenny Bruce

Daily Quote 251

Art is science made clear.
- Jean Cocteau

Daily Quote 250

An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.
- Bill Vaughan

Daily Quote 249

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
- Anonymous

Daily Quote 248

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'
- Ellen DeGeneres

Daily Quote 247

Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse.
- Miguel de Cervantes

Daily Quote 246

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
- Laurence J. Peter

Daily Quote 245

There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else.
- Cullen Hightower

Daily Quote 244

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Daily Quote 243

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.
- Nicholas Butler

Daily Quote 242

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
- Jim Morrison

Daily Quote 241

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
- Douglas Adams

Daily Quote 240

Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
- Robert W. Sarnoff

Daily Quote 239

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
- Lester B. Pearson

Daily Quote 238

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen

Daily Quote 237

If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
- Emerson Pugh

Daily Quote 236

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
- Aldous Huxley

Daily Quote 235

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
- Robert Frost

Daily Quote 234

Honesty is the best image.
- Tom Wilson

Daily Quote 233

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
- Paul Valery

Daily Quote 232

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
- Dandemis

Daily Quote 231

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
- Thomas A. Edison

Daily Quote 230

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
- Alice Kahn

Daily Quote 229

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurence J. Peter

Daily Quote 228

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
- Ambrose Bierce

Daily Quote 227

Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle.
- Darby Conley

Daily Quote 226

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln

Daily Quote 225

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.
- Alfred A. Knopf

Daily Quote 224

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
- Cindy Gardner

Daily Quote 223

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

Daily Quote 222

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Daily Quote 221

Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.
- Thomas Fuller

Daily Quote 220

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
- Jane Austen

Daily Quote 219

The town where I grew up has a zip code of E-I-E-I-O.
- Martin Mull

Daily Quote 218

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
- Nikita Khrushchev

Daily Quote 217

It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem.
- Malcolm Forbes

Daily Quote 216

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller

Daily Quote 215

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
- Andy Rooney

Daily Quote 214

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
- John Barrymore

Daily Quote 213

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.
- Beryl Pfizer

Daily Quote 212

There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it.
- Denis Diderot

Daily Quote 211

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
- Mickey Friedman

Daily Quote 210

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
- Lily Tomlin

Daily Quote 209

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
- Ted Turner

Daily Quote 208

One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 207

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.
- Alex Levin

Daily Quote 206

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
- Douglas Adams

Daily Quote 205

There must be more to life than having everything.
- Maurice Sendak

Daily Quote 204

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.
- Robert Copeland

Daily Quote 203

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
- David T. Wolf

Daily Quote 202

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright

Daily Quote 201

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
- Garrison Keillor

Daily Quote 200

There is no greater impotence in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you.
- Norman Mailer

Daily Quote 199

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- Henny Youngman

Daily Quote 198

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.
- Cathy Ladman

Daily Quote 197

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
- Arnold Toynbee

Daily Quote 196

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
- Albert Guinon

Daily Quote 195

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Daily Quote 194

In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes.
- Mogens Jallberg

Daily Quote 193

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
- Laurence J. Peter

Daily Quote 192

A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.
- Dorothy L. Sayers

Daily Quote 191

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
- Thomas Hardy

Daily Quote 190

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
- Jean Kerr

Daily Quote 189

We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.
- Bill Vaughan

Daily Quote 188

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
- James M. Barrie

Daily Quote 187

History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind.
- Edward Gibbon

Daily Quote 186

I'm a born-again atheist.
- Gore Vidal

Daily Quote 185

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 184

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry

Daily Quote 183

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
- Stephen King

Daily Quote 182

I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.
- Dana Carvey

Daily Quote 181

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Daily Quote 180

You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong.
- Johann von Neumann

Daily Quote 179

The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
- Robertson Davies

Daily Quote 178

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
- Bill Vaughan

Daily Quote 177

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
- PG Wodehouse

Daily Quote 176

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
- Peter McArthur

Daily Quote 175

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.
- William Feather

Daily Quote 174

Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.
- Bill Nye

Daily Quote 173

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
- Woody Allen

Daily Quote 172

Living in a vacuum sucks.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff

Daily Quote 171

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
- Alfred Hitchcock

Daily Quote 170

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.
- Albert Einstein

Daily Quote 169

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
- Fletcher Knebel

Daily Quote 168

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
- WC Fields

Daily Quote 167

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Daily Quote 166

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 165

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
- Doug Larson

Daily Quote 164

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
- Shelley Winters

Daily Quote 163

Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine.
- Sir Arthur Eddington

Daily Quote 162

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.
- Peter Ustinov

Daily Quote 161

The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.
- CS Lewis

Daily Quote 160

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
- Robert X. Cringely

Daily Quote 159

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
- George Jackson

Daily Quote 158

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

Daily Quote 157

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
- Larry Hardiman

Daily Quote 156

There are grammatical errors even in his silence.
- Stanislaw J. Lec

Daily Quote 155

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
- Will Rogers

Daily Quote 154

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
- Mitch Hedberg

Daily Quote 153

The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Daily Quote 152

Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.
- WL George

Daily Quote 151

Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.
- James Russell Lowell

Daily Quote 150

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

Daily Quote 149

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
- Dan Rather

Daily Quote 148

Life is a long lesson in humility.
- James M. Barrie

Daily Quote 147

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
- Vince Lombardi

Daily Quote 146

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
- Jackie Mason

Daily Quote 145

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
- James Thurber

Daily Quote 144

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 143

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
- Al Franken

Daily Quote 142

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
- Howard Aiken

Daily Quote 141

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

Daily Quote 140

Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?
- Philip G. Hamerton

Daily Quote 139

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!
- Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

Daily Quote 138

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- HL Mencken

Daily Quote 137

As I grow older , I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me.
- H. Rider Haggard

Daily Quote 136

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
- Arthur C. Clarke

Daily Quote 135

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
- Quentin Crisp

Daily Quote 134

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
- Aaron McGruder

Daily Quote 133

Dance like it hurts,/ Love like you need money,/ Work when people are watching.
- Scott Adams

Daily Quote 132

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
- Oscar Wilde

Daily Quote 131

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Daily Quote 130

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.
- John Updike

Daily Quote 129

A prose writer gets tired of writing prose, and wants to be a poet. So he begins every line with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose.
- Samuel McChord Crothers

Daily Quote 128

Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.
- Mike Myers

Daily Quote 127

All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.
- Carl Sagan

Daily Quote 126

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
- Mae West

Daily Quote 125

The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution.
- Hannah Arendt

Daily Quote 124

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.
- EB White

Daily Quote 123

I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.
- Steven Pearl

Daily Quote 122

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
- Leo J. Burke

Daily Quote 121

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
- Anonymous

Daily Quote 120

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Daily Quote 119

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
- Samuel Johnson

Daily Quote 118

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
- National Lampoon

Daily Quote 117

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
- Dick Cavett

Daily Quote 116

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Dorothy Nevill

Daily Quote 115

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
- Don Herold

Daily Quote 114

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
- Robert Orben

Daily Quote 113

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
- GK Chesterton

Daily Quote 112

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough
- Mario Andretti

Daily Quote 111

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
- Doug Larson

Daily Quote 110

Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.
- Lillian Hellman

Daily Quote 109

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan

Daily Quote 108

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
- John Russell

Daily Quote 107

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
- Zach Braff

Daily Quote 106

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
- Alfred North Whitehead

Daily Quote 105

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
- Mark Twain

Daily Quote 104

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
- Lynda Barry

Daily Quote 103

Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.
- Edward Gibbon

Daily Quote 102

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

Daily Quote 101

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
- Joe Weinstein

Daily Quote 100

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
- Cyril Connolly

Daily Quote 99

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
- Herbert Hoover